Traduction
Masquer
Bekenntnisse
1. Augustinus schwankt zwischen Manichäismus und Katholizismus.
S. 105 Inhaltsübersicht.
*Seine Mutter folgt ihm nach Mailand. Augustinus gewinnt durch die Predigten des hl. Ambrosius immer mehr Einsicht in die Wahrheiten der katholischen Religion. Vom Charakter seines Freundes Alypius. Er nimmt sich vor, sein Leben zu bessern, fällt aber in alte
Sünden, wobei jedoch die Furcht vor Tod und Gericht ihn nie verläßt.*
O du meine Hoffnung von meiner Jugend auf, wo warst du nur, und wohin warst du entschwunden? Hattest nicht du mich erschaffen und von den vierfüßigen Tieren und den Vögeln des Himmels unterschieden und mich klüger gemacht als sie? Und in der Finsternis und auf schlüpfrigen Pfaden wandelte ich und suchte dich außer mir und fand nicht den Gott meines Herzens; ich versank in die Tiefe des Meeres und versagte und verzweifelte, die Wahrheit zu finden. Schon war meine Mutter, stark im Glauben, zu mir gekommen; über Land und Meer war sie mir gefolgt, in allen Gefahren von dir beschützt. Denn während sonst der Seefahrt unkundige Reisende in ihrer Aufregung von den Schiffern getröstet werden müssen, sprach umgekehrt zur Zeit eines Seesturmes sie ihnen Tröstung zu und verhieß ihnen gefahrlose Landung, da du ihr in einem Gesichte solches versprochen hattest. Und sie fand mich sehr gefährdet, weil ich an der Erforschung der Wahrheit verzweifelte. Doch als ich ihr mitteilte, ich sei kein Manichäer mehr, allerdings auch noch nicht katholischer Christ, da frohlockte sie nicht vor Freude, als ob sie etwas ganz Unerwartetes zu hören bekommen hätte, da sie über diesen S. 106 Punkt meines Elendes beruhigt wurde; hatte sie mich doch schon wie einen Toten beweint, den du wieder auferwecken müßtest, und mich auf der Bahre ihrer Gedanken hinausgetragen, damit du zum Sohne der Witwe sprechen mögest: „Jüngling, ich sage dir, stehe auf“1, er wieder lebendig werde, zu reden anfange und du ihn seiner Mutter übergebest. Keinerlei stürmische Freude also machte ihr Herz erzittern, als sie hörte, daß zum großen Teile schon geschehen sei, um dessen Verwirklichung sie dich täglich bat, daß ich zwar zur Wahrheit noch nicht gelangt, aber dem Irrtum bereits entrissen sei. Vielmehr weil sie gewiß war, du, der das Ganze versprochen, werdest auch noch das, was übrig war, geben, antwortete sie mir mit größter Ruhe und zuversichtlichem Herzen, sie vertraue zu Christus, daß sie vor ihrem Hinscheiden mich noch als gläubigen Katholiken sehen werde. Dieses sagte sie zu mir. Zu dir aber, Quell der Erbarmungen, sandte sie innigere Gebete und reichlichere Tränenströme, auf daß du deine Hilfe beschleunigen und meine Finsternis erhellen mögest. Noch eifriger eilte sie in die Kirche und hingen ihre Lippen an des Ambrosius Worten, der „Wasserquelle, die ins ewige Leben hinströmt”2. Sie liebte aber jenen Mann wie einen „Engel Gottes“3, weil sie sah, daß ich durch ihn unterdessen in jenen Zustand innerer Gärung geraten war, durch den ich, wie sie sicher annahm, aus der Krankheit zur vollen Gesundheit gelangen würde, wenn einmal eine gesteigerte Gefahr, die die Ärzte Krisis nennen, hinzuträte.
Traduction
Masquer
The Confessions of St. Augustin In Thirteen Books
Chapter I.--His Mother Having Followed Him to Milan, Declares that She Will Not Die Before Her Son Shall Have Embraced the Catholic Faith.
1. O Thou, my hope from my youth, 1 where wert Thou to me, and whither hadst Thou gone? For in truth, hadst Thou not created me, and made a difference between me and the beasts of the field and fowls of the air? Thou hadst made me wiser than they, yet did I wander about in dark and slippery places, and sought Thee abroad out of myself, and found not the God of my heart; 2 and had entered the depths of the sea, and distrusted and despaired finding out the truth. By this time my mother, made strong by her piety, had come to me, following me over sea and land, in all perils feeling secure in Thee. For in the dangers of the sea she comforted the very sailors (to whom the inexperienced passengers, when alarmed, were wont rather to go for comfort), assuring them of a safe arrival, because she had been so assured by Thee in a vision. She found me in grievous danger, through despair of ever finding truth. But when I had disclosed to her that I was now no longer a Manichaean, though not yet a Catholic Christian, she did not leap for joy as at what was unexpected; although she was now reassured as to that part of my misery for which she had mourned me as one dead, but who would be raised to Thee, carrying me forth upon the bier of her thoughts, that Thou mightest say unto the widow's son, "Young man, I say unto Thee, arise," and he should revive, and begin to speak, and Thou shouldest deliver him to his mother. 3 Her heart, then, was not agitated with any violent exultation, when she had heard that to be already in so great a part accomplished which she daily, with tears, entreated of Thee might be done,--that though I had not yet grasped the truth, I was rescued from falsehood. Yea, rather, for that she was fully confident that Thou, who hadst promised the whole, wouldst give the rest, most calmly, and with a breast full of confidence, she replied to me, "She believed in Christ, that before she departed this life, she would see me a Catholic believer." 4 And thus much said she to me; but to Thee, O Fountain of mercies, poured she out more frequent prayers and tears, that Thou wouldest hasten Thy aid, and enlighten my darkness; and she hurried all the more assiduously to the church, and hung upon the words of Ambrose, praying for the fountain of water that springeth up into everlasting life. 5 For she loved that man as an angel of God, because she knew that it was by him that I had been brought, for the present, to that perplexing state of agitation 6 I was now in, through which she was fully persuaded that I should pass from sickness unto health, after an excess, as it were, of a sharper fit, which doctors term the "crisis."
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Ps. lxxi. 5. ↩
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See iv. sec. 18, note, above. ↩
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Luke vii. 12-l5. ↩
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Fidelem Catholicum--those who are baptized being usually designated Fideles. The following extract from Kaye's Tertullian (pp. 230, 231) is worthy of note:--"As the converts from heathenism, to use Tertullian's expression, were not born, but became Christians [fiunt, nascuntur, Christiani], they went through a course of instruction in the principles and doctrines of the gospel, and were subjected to a strict probation before they were admitted to the rite of baptism. In this stage of their progress they were called catechumens, of whom, according to Suicer, there were two classes,--one called Audientes,' who had only entered upon their course, and begun to hear the word of God; the other, sunaitountes, or Competentes,' who had made such advances in Christian knowledge and practice as to be qualified to appear at the font. Tertullian, however, appears either not to have known or to have neglected this distinction, since he applies the names of Audientes' and Auditores' indifferently to all who had not partaken of the rite of baptism. When the catechumens had given full proof of the ripeness of their knowledge, and of the stedfastness of their faith, they were baptized, admitted to the table of the Lord, and styled Fideles. The importance which Tertullian attached to this previous probation of the candidates for baptism, appears from the fact that he founds upon the neglect of it one of his charges against the heretics. Among them,' he says, no distinction is made between the catechumen and the faithful or confirmed Christian; the catechumen is pronounced fit for baptism before he is instructed; all come in indiscriminately; all hear, all pray together.'" There were certain peculiar forms used in the admission of catechumens; as, for example, anointing with oil, imposition of hands, and the consecration and giving of salt; and when, from the progress of Christianity, Tertullian's above description as to converts from heathenism had ceased to be correct, these forms were continued in many churches as part of the baptismal service, whether of infants or adults. See Palmer's Origines Liturgicae, v. 1, and also i. sec. 17, above, where Augustin says: "I was signed with the sign of the cross, and was seasoned with His salt, even from the womb of my mother." ↩
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John iv. 14. ↩
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"Sermons," says Goodwin in his Evangelical Communicant, "are, for the most part, as showers of rain that water for the instant; such as may tickle the ear and warm the affections, and put the soul into a posture of obedience. Hence it is that men are oft-times sermon-sick, as some are sea-sick; very ill, much troubled for the present, but by and by all is well again as they were." ↩