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Confessiones (CSEL)

Caput 9

Quid erat ille affectum animi? certe enim plane turpis erat nimis, et vae mihi erat, qui habebam illum. sed tamen quid erat? delicta quis intellegit? risus erat quasi titillato corde, quod fallebamus eos, qui haec a nobis fieri non putabant et vehementer nolebant. cur ergo eo me delectabat, quo id non faciebam solus? an quia etiam nemo facile solus ridet? nimo quidem facile, sed tamen etiam solos et singulos homines, cum alius nemo praesens est, vincit risus aliquando, si aliquid nimie ridiculum vel sensibus occurrit vel animo. at ego illud solus non facerem, non facerem omnino solus. Ecce est coram te, deus meus, viva recordatio animae meae. solus non facerem furtum illud, in quo me non libebat id quod furabar, sed quia furabar: quod me solum facere prorsus non liberet, nec facerem. o nimis inimica amicitia, seductio mentis investigabilis, ex ludo et ioco nocendi aviditas et alieni damni appetitus, nulla lucri mei, nulla ulciscendi libidine, sed cum dicitur: eamus, faciamus, et pudet non esse impudentem.

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The Confessions of St. Augustin In Thirteen Books

Chapter IX.--It Was a Pleasure to Him Also to Laugh When Seriously Deceiving Others.

17. By what feelings, then, was I animated? For it was in truth too shameful; and woe was me who had it. But still what was it? "Who can understand his errors?" ¹ We laughed, because our hearts were tickled at the thought of deceiving those who little imagined what we were doing, and would have vehemently disapproved of it. Yet, again, why did I so rejoice in this, that I did it not alone? Is it that no one readily laughs alone? No one does so readily; but yet sometimes, when men are alone by themselves, nobody being by, a fit of laughter overcomes them when anything very droll presents itself to their senses or mind. Yet alone I would not have done it--alone I could not at all have done it. Behold, my God, the lively recollection of my soul is laid bare before Thee--alone I had not committed that theft, wherein what I stole pleased me not, but rather the act of stealing; nor to have done it alone would I have liked so well, neither would I have done it. O Friendship too unfriendly! thou mysterious seducer of the soul, thou greediness to do mischief out of mirth and wantonness, thou craving for others' loss, without desire for my own profit or revenge; but when they say, "Let us go, let us do it," we are ashamed not to be shameless.