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Les confessions de Saint Augustin

CHAPITRE IX. LIAISONS FUNESTES.

17. Quel était donc cet instinct de mon âme? Vil et honteux instinct! Ame misérable, tu t’es livrée à lui! Quel était enfin cet instinct maudit? « Oh ! qui peut sonder l’abîme des péchés (Ps. XVIII, 13)? » C’était un rire malin qui nous chatouillait le coeur à l’idée de tromper un homme et de l’irriter. Pourquoi donc avais-je du plaisir à n’être pas seul? Seul, est-il plus difficile de rire? Il est vrai; et cependant un homme est seul, et le rire s’empare de lui, si un objet trop ridicule frappe ses sens ou son esprit. Mais moi, je n’eusse rien fait seul; non, seul, je n’eusse rien fait.

Oui, mon Dieu, voici devant vous la vivante souvenance de mon âme! Seul, je n’eusse pas commis ce larcin, n’en aimant pas l’objet, n’aimant que lui-même. Seul, je n’eusse trouvé aucun plaisir à le faire , je ne l’eusse point fait. O amitié ennemie, subtile séduction de l’esprit, ardeur de nuire et de dérober, inspirée par l’entrain et le jeu, sans cupidité, sans passion vindicative, sur un seul mot Allons, dérobons! et l’on rougit de rougir encore! ( 377)

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The Confessions of St. Augustin In Thirteen Books

Chapter IX.--It Was a Pleasure to Him Also to Laugh When Seriously Deceiving Others.

17. By what feelings, then, was I animated? For it was in truth too shameful; and woe was me who had it. But still what was it? "Who can understand his errors?" ¹ We laughed, because our hearts were tickled at the thought of deceiving those who little imagined what we were doing, and would have vehemently disapproved of it. Yet, again, why did I so rejoice in this, that I did it not alone? Is it that no one readily laughs alone? No one does so readily; but yet sometimes, when men are alone by themselves, nobody being by, a fit of laughter overcomes them when anything very droll presents itself to their senses or mind. Yet alone I would not have done it--alone I could not at all have done it. Behold, my God, the lively recollection of my soul is laid bare before Thee--alone I had not committed that theft, wherein what I stole pleased me not, but rather the act of stealing; nor to have done it alone would I have liked so well, neither would I have done it. O Friendship too unfriendly! thou mysterious seducer of the soul, thou greediness to do mischief out of mirth and wantonness, thou craving for others' loss, without desire for my own profit or revenge; but when they say, "Let us go, let us do it," we are ashamed not to be shameless.