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Ad Donatum (CSEL)

§ 3

Ego cum in tenebris atque in nocte caeca iacerem cumque in salo iactantis saeculi nutabundus ac dubius uestigiis oberrantibus¹ fluctuarem uitae meae nescius, ueritatis ac lucis alienus, difficile prorsus ac durum pro illis tunc moribus opinabar, quod in salutem mihi diuina indulgentia pollicebatur, ut quis renasci denuo posset utque in nonam uitam lauacro aquae salutaris animatus, quod prius fuerat, exponeret et corporis licet manente conpage hominem animo ac mente mutaret. qui possibilis, aiebam, tanta conuersio, ut repente ac perniciter exuatur², quod uel genuinum situ materiae naturalis obduruit uel usurpatum³ diu senio uetustatis inoleuit? alta haec et profunda penitus radice sederunt. quando parcimoniam discit, qui epularibus cenis et largis dapibus adsueuit ? et qui pretiosa ueste conspicuus in auro atque in purpura fulsit, ad plebeium se ac simplicem cultum quando deponit ? fascibus ille oblectatus et honoribus esse priuatus et inglorius non potest. hic stipatus clientium cuneis⁴, frequentiore comitatu officiosi agminis honestatus, poenam putat esse, cum solus est. tenacibus semper inlecebris necesse est, ut solebat, uinolentia inuitet⁵, inflet superbia, iracundia inflammet, rapacitas inquietet⁶, crudelitas stimulet, ambitio delectet, libido praecipitet.

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Ad Donatum

3.

While I was still lying in darkness and gloomy night, wavering hither and thither, tossed about on the foam of this boastful age, and uncertain of my wandering steps, knowing nothing of my real life, and remote from truth and light, I used to regard it as a difficult matter, and especially as difficult in respect of my character at that time, that a man should be capable of being born again ¹ --a truth which the divine mercy had announced for my salvation,--and that a man quickened to a new life in the laver of saving water should be able to put off what he had previously been; and, although retaining all his bodily structure, should be himself changed in heart and soul. "How," said I, "is such a conversion possible, that there should be a sudden and rapid divestment of all which, either innate in us has hardened in the corruption of our material nature, or acquired by us has become inveterate by long accustomed use? These things have become deeply and radically engrained within us. When does he learn thrift who has been used to liberal banquets and sumptuous feasts? And he who has been glittering in gold and purple, and has been celebrated for his costly attire, when does he reduce himself to ordinary and simple clothing? One who has felt the charm of the fasces and of civic honours shrinks from becoming a mere private and inglorious citizen. The man who is attended by crowds of clients, and dignified by the numerous association of an officious train, regards it as a punishment when he is alone. It is inevitable, as it ever has been, that the love of wine should entice, pride inflate, anger inflame, covetousness disquiet, cruelty stimulate, ambition delight, lust hasten to ruin, with allurements that will not let go their hold."