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Confessiones

Caput 4

Furtum certe punit lex tua, domine, et lex scripta in cordibus hominum, quam ne ipsa quidem delet iniquitas: quis enim fur aequo animo furem patitur? nec copiosus adactum inopia. et ego furtum facere volui, et feci, nulla conpulsus egestate, nisi penuria et fastidio iustitiae et sagina iniquitatis. nam id furatus sum, quod mihi abundabat et multa melius; nec ea re volebam frui, quam furto appetebam, sed ipso furto et peccato. arbor erat pirus in vicinia nostrae vineae, pomis onusta, nec forma nec sapore inlecebrosis. ad hanc excutiendam atque asportandam nequissimi adulescentuli perreximus nocte intempesta, quousque ludum de pestilentiae more in areis produxeramus, et abstulimus inde onera ingentia non ad nostras epulas, sed vel proicienda porcis, etiamsi aliquid inde comedimus, dum tamen fieret a nobis quod eo liberet, quo non liceret. ecce cor meum, deus, ecce cor meum, quod miseratus es in imo abyssi. dicat tibi nunc ecce cor meum, quid ibi quaerebat, ut essem gratis malus et malitiae meae causa nulla esset nisi malitia. foeda erat, et amavi eam; amavi perire, amavi defectum meum, non illud, ad quod deficiebam, sed defectum meum ipsum amavi, turpis anima et dissiliens a firmamento tuo in exterminium, non dedecore aliquid, sed dedecus appetens.

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The Confessions of St. Augustin In Thirteen Books

Chapter IV.--He Commits Theft with His Companions, Not Urged on by Poverty, But from a Certain Distaste of Well-Doing.

9. Theft is punished by Thy law, O Lord, and by the law written in men's hearts, which iniquity itself cannot blot out. For what thief will suffer a thief? Even a rich thief will not suffer him who is driven to it by want. Yet had I a desire to commit robbery, and did so, compelled neither by hunger, nor poverty through a distaste for well-doing, and a lustiness of iniquity. For I pilfered that of which I had already sufficient, and much better. Nor did I desire to enjoy what I pilfered, but the theft and sin itself. There was a pear-tree close to our vineyard, heavily laden with fruit, which was tempting neither for its colour nor its flavour. To shake and rob this some of us wanton young fellows went, late one night (having, according to our disgraceful habit, prolonged our games in the streets until then), and carried away great loads, not to eat ourselves, but to fling to the very swine, having only eaten some of them; and to do this pleased us all the more because it was not permitted. Behold my heart, O my God; behold my heart, which Thou hadst pity upon when in the bottomless pit. Behold, now, let my heart tell Thee what it was seeking there, that I should be gratuitously wanton, having no inducement to evil but the evil itself. It was foul, and I loved it. I loved to perish. I loved my own error--not that for which I erred, but the error itself. Base soul, falling from Thy firmament to utter destruction--not seeking aught through the shame but the shame itself!