Edition Masquer
Confessiones

Caput 2

Et placuit mihi in conspectu tuo non tumultuose abripere, sed leniter subtrahere ministerium linguae meae nundinis loquacitatis; ne ulterius pueri, (meditantes non legem tuam, non pacem tuam, sed insanias mendaces et bella forensia), mercarentur ex ore meo arma furori suo. et opportune iam paucissimi dies supererant ad vindemiales ferias; et statui tolerare illos, ut sollemniter abscederem, et redemptus a te iam non redirem venalis. consilium ergo nostrum erat coram te, coram hominibus autem nisi nostris quam effunderetur, quamquam tu nobis in convalle plorantionis ascendentibus, et cantantibus canticum graduum, dederas sagittas acutas, et carbones vastatores, adversus linguam subdolam velut consulendo contradicentem, et sicut cibum assolet, amando consumentem. Sagittaveras tu cor nostrum caritate tua, et gestabamus verba tua transfixa visceribus, et exempla servorum tuorum, quos de nigris lucidos et de mortuis vivos feceras, congesta in sinum cogitationis nostrae, urebant et absumebant gravem torporem, ne in ima vergeremus; et accendebant nos valide, ut omnis ex lingua subdola contradicitionis flatus inflammare nos acrius posset, non extinguere. verum tamen quia propter nomen tuum, quod sanctificasti per terras, etiam laudatores utique haberet votum et propositum nostrum, iactantiae simile videbatur non opperiri tam proximum feriarum tempus, sed de publica professione atque ante oculos omnium sita ante discedere, ut conversa in factum meum ora cunctorum intuentium, quam vicinum vindemialium diem praevenire voluerim, multa dicerent, quod quasi appetissem magnus videri. et quo mihi erat istuc, ut putaretur et disputaretur de animo meo, et blasphemaretur bonum nostrum? Quin etiam quod ipsa aestate litterario labori nimio pulmo meus cedere coeperat, et difficulter trahere suspiria, doloribusque pectoris testari se saucium, vocemque clariorem productioremve recusare; primo perturbaverat me, quia magisterii illius sarcinam paene iam necessitate ponere cogebat, aut si curari et convalescere potuissem, certe intermittere. sed ubi plena voluntas vacandi, et videndi, quoniam tu es dominus, oborta mihi est atque firmata -- nosti, deus meus -- etiam gaudere coepi, quod haec quoque suberat non mendax excusatio, quae offensionem hominum temperaret, qui propter liberos suos me liberum esse numquam volebant. plenus igitur tali gaudio, tolerabam illud intervallum temporis, donec decurreret -- nescio utrum vel viginti dies erant -- sed tamen fortiter tolerabantur, quia receserat cupiditas, quae mecum solebat ferre grave negotium, et ego premendus remanseram, nisi patientia succederet. peccasse me in hoc quisquam servorum tuorum, fratrum meorum, dixerit, quod iam pleno corde militia tua, passus me fuerim vel una hora sedere in cathedra mendacii. at ego non contendo. sed tu, domine misericordissime, nonne et hoc peccatum, cum ceteris horrendis et funereis, in aqua sancta ignovisti et remisisti mihi?

Traduction Masquer
The Confessions of St. Augustin In Thirteen Books

Chapter II.--As His Lungs Were Affected, He Meditates Withdrawing Himself from Public Favour.

2. And it seemed good to me, as before Thee, not tumultuously to snatch away, but gently to withdraw the service of my tongue from the talker's trade; that the young, who thought not on Thy law, nor on Thy peace, but on mendacious follies and forensic strifes, might no longer purchase at my mouth equipments for their vehemence. And opportunely there wanted but a few days unto the Vacation of the Vintage; ¹ and I determined to endure them, in order to leave in the usual way, and, being redeemed by Thee, no more to return for sale. Our intention then was known to Thee; but to men--excepting our own friends--was it not known. For we had determined among ourselves not to let it get abroad to any; although Thou hadst given to us, ascending from the valley of tears, ² and singing the song of degrees, "sharp arrows," and destroying coals, against the "deceitful tongue," ³ which in giving counsel opposes, and in showing love consumes, as it is wont to do with its food.

3. Thou hadst penetrated our hearts with Thy charity, and we carried Thy words fixed, as it were, in our bowels; and the examples of Thy servant, whom of black Thou hadst made bright, and of dead, alive, crowded in the bosom of our thoughts, burned and consumed our heavy torpor, that we might not topple into the abyss; and they enkindled us exceedingly, that every breath of the deceitful tongue of the gainsayer might inflame us the more, not extinguish us. Nevertheless, because for Thy name's sake which Thou hast sanctified throughout the earth, this, our vow and purpose, might also find commenders, it looked like a vaunting of oneself not to wait for the vacation, now so near, but to leave beforehand a public profession, and one, too, under general observation; so that all who looked on this act of mine, and saw how near was the vintage-time I desired to anticipate, would talk of me a great deal as if I were trying to appear to be a great person. And what purpose would it serve that people should consider and dispute about my intention, and that our good should be evil spoken of? ⁴

4. Furthermore, this very summer, from too great literary labour, my lungs ⁵ began to be weak, and with difficulty to draw deep breaths; showing by the pains in my chest that they were affected, and refusing too loud or prolonged speaking. This had at first been a trial to me, for it compelled me almost of necessity to lay down that burden of teaching; or, if I could be cured and become strong again, at least to leave it off for a while. But when the full desire for leisure, that I might see that Thou art the Lord, ⁶ arose, and was confirmed in me, my God, Thou knowest I even began to rejoice that I had this excuse ready,--and that not a feigned one,--which might somewhat temper the offence taken by those who for their sons' good wished me never to have the freedom of sons. Full, therefore, with such joy, I bore it till that period of time had passed,--perhaps it was some twenty days,--yet they were bravely borne; for the cupidity which was wont to sustain part of this weighty business had departed, and I had remained overwhelmed had not its place been supplied by patience. Some of Thy servants, my brethren, may perchance say that I sinned in this, in that having once fully, and from my heart, entered on Thy warfare, I permitted myself to sit a single hour in the seat of falsehood. I will not contend. But hast not Thou, O most merciful Lord, pardoned and remitted this sin also, with my others, so horrible and deadly, in the holy water?