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The Confessions of St. Augustin In Thirteen Books

Chapter X.--The Wonderful Integrity of Alypius in Judgment. The Lasting Friendship of Nebridius with Augustin.

16. Him, therefore, had I lighted upon at Rome, and he clung to me by a most strong tie, and accompanied me to Milan, both that he might not leave me, and that he might practise something of the law he had studied, more with a view of pleasing his parents than himself. There had he thrice sat as assessor with an uncorruptness wondered at by others, he rather wondering at those who could prefer gold to integrity. His character was tested, also, not only by the bait of covetousness, but by the spur of fear. At Rome, he was assessor to the Count of the Italian Treasury. ¹ There was at that time a most potent senator, to whose favours many were indebted, of whom also many stood in fear. He would fain, by his usual power, have a thing granted him which was forbidden by the laws. This Alypius resisted; a bribe was promised, he scorned it with all his heart; threats were employed, he trampled them under foot,--all men being astonished at so rare a spirit, which neither coveted the friendship nor feared the enmity of a man at once so powerful and so greatly famed for his innumerable means of doing good or ill. Even the judge whose councillor Alypius was, although also unwilling that it should be done, yet did not openly refuse it, but put the matter off upon Alypius, alleging that it was he who would not permit him to do it; for verily, had the judge done it, Alypius would have decided otherwise. With this one thing in the way of learning was he very nearly led away,--that he might have books copied for him at praetorian prices. ² But, consulting justice, he changed his mind for the better, esteeming equity, whereby he was hindered, more gainful than the power whereby he was permitted. These are little things, but "He that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful also in much." ³ Nor can that possibly be void which proceedeth out of the mouth of Thy Truth. "If, therefore, ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give you that which is your own?" ⁴ He, being such, did at that time cling to me, and wavered in purpose, as I did, what course of life was to be taken.

17. Nebridius also, who had left his native country near Carthage, and Carthage itself, where he had usually lived, leaving behind his fine paternal estate, his house, and his mother, who intended not to follow him, had come to Milan, for no other reason than that he might live with me in a most ardent search after truth and wisdom. Like me he sighed, like me he wavered, an ardent seeker after true life, and a most acute examiner of the most abstruse questions. ⁵ So were there three begging mouths, sighing out their wants one to the other, and waiting upon Thee, that Thou mightest give them their meat in due season. ⁶ And in all the bitterness which by Thy mercy followed our worldly pursuits, as we contemplated the end, why this suffering should be ours, darkness came upon us; and we turned away groaning and exclaiming, "How long shall these things be?" And this we often said; and saying so, we did not relinquish them, for as yet we had discovered nothing certain to which, when relinquished, we might betake ourselves.

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Confessiones

Caput 10

Hunc ergo Romae inveneram, et adhaesit mihi fortissimo vinculo, mecumque Mediolanium profectus est, ut nec me desereret, et de iure, quod didicerat, aliquid ageret secundum votum magis parentum quam suum. et ter iam adsederat mirabili continentia ceteris, cum ille magis miraretur eos, qui aurum innocentiae praeponerent. temptata est quoque eius indoles, non solum de inlecebra cupiditatis sed etiam stimulo timoris. Romae adsidebat comiti largitionum Italicianarum, erat eo tempore quidam potentissimus senator, cuius et beneficiis obstricti multi et terrori subditi erant. voluit sibi licere nescio quid ex more potentiae suae, quod esset per leges inlicitum; restitit Alypius. promissum est praemium; inrisit animo. praetentae minae; calcavit, mirantibus omnibus inusitatam animam, quae hominem tantum, et innumerabilis praestandi nocendique modis ingenti fama celebratum, vel amicum non optaret vel non formidaret inimicum. ipse autem iudex, cui consiliarius erat, quamvis et ipse fieri nollet, non tamen aperte recusabat, sed in istum causam transferens ab eo se non permitti adserebat, quia et re vera, si ipse faceret, iste discederet. hoc solo autem paene iam inlectus erat studio litterario, ut pretiis praetorianis codices sibi conficiendos curaret; sed consulta iustitia, deliberationem in melius vertit, utiliorem iudicans aequitatem, qua prohibebatur, quam potestatem, qua sinebatur. parvum est hoc; sed qui in parvo fidelis est, et in magno fidelis est, nec ullo modo erit inane, quod tuae veritatis ore processit: si in iniusto mamona fidelis non fuistit, verum quis dabit vobis? et si in alieno fideles non fuistis, vestrum quis dabit vobis? talis tunc ille inhaerebat mihi, mecumque nutabat in consilio, quidnam esset tenendus vitae modus. Nebridius etiam, qui relicta patria vicina Carthagini atque ipsa Carthagine, ubi frequentissimus erat, relicto paterno rure optimo, relicta domo et non secutura matre, nullam ob aliam causam Mediolanium venerat, nisi ut mecum viveret in flagrantissimo studio veritatis atque sapientiae, pariter suspirabat pariterque fluctuabat, beatae vitae inquisitor ardens, et quaestionum difficillimarum scrutator acerrimus. et erant ora trium egentium, et inopiam suam sibimet invicem anhelantium, et ad te expectantium, ut dares eis escam in tempore opportuno. et in omni amaritudine, quae nostros saeculares actus de misericordia tua sequebatur, intuentibus nobis finem, cur ea pateremur, occurrebant tenebrae, et aversabamur gementes et dicebamus: quamdiu haec? et hoc crebro dicebamus et dicentes non relinquebamus ea, quia non elucebat certum aliquid, quod illis relictis adprehenderemus.